


The Word

by natashalieromanov



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Self-Blame, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, This is not Happy, Tony/Tiberius is mentioned for like 2 sentences, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, i'm projecting on tony oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natashalieromanov/pseuds/natashalieromanov
Summary: It's hard for Tony to say the word.How could he say the word when he knows it's all his fault?





	The Word

The shower is boiling hot, but Tony doesn’t care. 

His hands shake as he reaches for the soap. Clean, clean, he has to get clean, but he’ll  _never_ be clean. He scrubs hard, scrubs until his skin is raw and bleeding, and it still isn’t enough. The dirt courses through his blood like a disease, infecting him to his very core. Only there is no cure for this. No medication to help him. Just water and soap to wash away the feelings of  _hands where they don’t belong_  and, “ _Sounds like you were asking for it, Anthony.”_

It’s true that he was asking for it. Tony knows it is. What else should he have expected? He went out, had a little too much to drink in front of Obadiah and other investors. Tony knows what they’re all like; he did it to himself. What right does he have to even  _think_  about using the r-word? Why does he feel so disgusting now, years after Obadiah’s death and severing ties with those investors?

Or years after graduating college?

Or years after Tiberius?

_My fault, my fault, it was all my fault._

_I had too much to drink._

_I shouldn’t have been at that party._

_I was dating Ty, so it was okay. I should have liked it._

Tony chokes on a sob as he slides down the shower wall. The tears come hard and fast, and Tony hates himself for being so weak, hates himself for allowing any of it to happen in the first place.

He’s weak, vile,  _dirty_.

He’s not sure how long he’s been sitting on the shower floor when he suddenly glances up and sees Rhodey staring back at him, and Tony knows that his best friend has it all figured out. The boiling shower, the raw skin, the tears. They’ve been here before, and Tony can’t even bring himself to feel ashamed. Tony’s drank too much in front of Rhodey before, and Rhodey has never hurt him. Tony knows that Rhodey would never hurt him, yet he still fights the urge to curl up and hide himself. As though sensing Tony’s discomfort, Rhodey turns the shower off and hands a towel to Tony. He drapes it over himself; he has no energy. Walking is too much effort right now.

_You don’t deserve to feel this way, because it was all your fault._

_“Tones.”  
_

Rhodey’s voice is low and soothing. He holds his hand out, waiting for Tony to make the first move, and Tony is so grateful that he nearly starts crying again. Rhodey’s allowed to touch him all the time, but he’s one of so few who have ever even thought to  _ask._

Tony’s hand finds Rhodey’s, and Rhodey squeezes tightly, not minding when Tony places his wet head on his shoulder. For a long time, they are silent.

Rhodey doesn’t say anything as Tony cries again, but Tony prefers it that way.

At least Rhodey will never tell him that it was all his fault.


End file.
